and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
