I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
