Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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