Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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