I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
