Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
