6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
