It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
