**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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