was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
