What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
