in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
