i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
