my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What drink are we having for lunch?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
