It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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