Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
