Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize