I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
