my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
