you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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