so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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