I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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