Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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