so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
