I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
