Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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