I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize