i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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