Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
