Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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