Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
