just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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