Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
