Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
