Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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