I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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