u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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