the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
