he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
