they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
