Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
