So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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