you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
