the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize