I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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