I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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