dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
