There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
