You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
