I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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