I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
