dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
