I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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