He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
