I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
