after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
