you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
