JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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