the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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