Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
