After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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