my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My bed smells like the plague
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
