I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
