I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
