WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize