Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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