Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
