i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize