So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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