what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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