the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
